I miss my little brother.

2008-04-19T00:10:00.001-07:00

I worked a 8 hour shift on my 21st birthday. It was Sunday. I was working at the railroad during Ghost Train at the time. I went in late because my parents and the delightful combo of Rus & El had came up for the weekend. They were here to celebrate halloween, my birthday, and all the other things associated with a mountain vacation. After I got off, I think I had a meeting. My feet hurt so bad, that every step nearly brought a tear to my eye.

The day before, I worked a 15 hour shift with a 1 hour break inbetween regular hours and ghost train hours. I ate chilli, then a piece of fruit tart. I got some money and light up stripper shoes. After all, I was going to Vegas in a few days. That was the reason I made no big fuss about it.

I don't know how to describe the tailspin that happened between October 2 and October 19. I know I dicked around until we went to Vegas. I remember what happened in Vegas. We flew back on the 18th. I don't remember anything about the 19th except that I decided to take a bath to scrub the muck off of my feet that accumulated in Vegas. Bryant walked into my apartment as I was getting out of the tub. The rest is blurred, horrible history.

I just wish you would have found a way to come to Boone that weekend. I know you were too cool to visit or had to work or get high or all three.

I don't remember any of your birthdays except for the very first one. You were born on easter and that really fucked up my day. I remember the chaos, aunt shelly fucking up the turkey, and bringing mom a magazine. I wish I could remember more. I know they were delightful.

So today would have been your 21st. Do you know how many people would kill to have their 21st be on a Saturday? I can't even fathom what would have gone on or what kind of party we would have had. You would have been so different than who you were at 18.5. In my dreams, you would have ditched those retard friends and would have been in Boone. Preferably in Pine Street #5. Part of me feels that it would have been so good for you (if nothing else, because Bryant still lives there) and part of me recognizes that you could have easily been another sucker who went to Bamboo road, found meth and locals, then died in mountain city. At any rate, some level of debauchery would have been had somewhere and I probably would laugh. Something I don't expect to happen on any April 19th from here on out.

I miss you. I miss you to the point of exhaustion. Do you know how bad Mom is at being my wingman in Super Mario Galaxy? Do you know how bad I am at being Mario? I hate dying. Beyond my complete lack of caring, my eye had coordination is horrible. My palms get sweaty. I'm just bad at it. I would be so much better as a wingman. I would get smack those starbits like they owed me money.

I hate dying. Virtually or in real life. I'm just bad at it. I still love you though. Every single day.

2008-03-07T18:09:00.000-08:00

modchips, the damn chickens in ocarina of time, potato chips everywhere, and sticker mustaches have been on my mind lately.

2008-03-05T18:49:00.000-08:00

February 08 was a tough as hell month. Thank you for putting the dreams in my head that has let me work through a lot of the issues I had with it. I no longer want to stab old people in the eye.

California is pretty.

2008-02-19T16:07:00.001-08:00

I have a new job now. Some of the guys remind me of you. Some of them remind me how much you would hate them.

in other news, i have yet to stop feeling weird about playing the wii. man we would have had fun.

2007-08-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

watching the x-games just isn't the same without you.

mat hoffman! hahaha.

2007-06-27T18:48:00.001-07:00

I'd really love to hear a crossface crippler joke from you right now.

2007-06-22T06:43:00.001-07:00

good times.

2007-06-17T09:11:00.001-07:00

I had a dream I made out with Josh Walker last night. I like to believe that when I have these bizarre dreams, you are the one putting them in my brain.

Today is father's day. The cards you would make with paint are some of the best things you did. oh no the car is driving pandaaaaaa!

miss you.

2007-06-15T17:23:00.000-07:00

If you were still here, I would have text messaged you asking if you had heard how kanye west sampled the hell out of daft punk and how I couldn't decide if it was baller or awful. Instead, I did it to Bryant and then had to remind him who the hell daft punk was.

2007-06-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

I miss how you will never get outraged that they changed the name from Scooby Doo's Ghoster Coaster to the Fairly odd parents coaster or something. They just fuck everything up!

I'll probably never go to carowinds again, but if I did I would most likely cry my way through top gun in the front row, cause thats how we rolled.

2007-06-09T23:28:00.000-07:00

I miss how I'll never get to wonder what the fuck Louis Stevens is doing hanging around with fucking Optimus Prime. WHERE IS TWITTY? HOW IS BEANS?

2007-06-09T12:41:00.001-07:00

I plan on using this space to talk about how I miss my brother more than you'll ever know. Every little thing I'll never get to say, all the times I cry, and memories few people will ever remember. That's not everything, but most of it.

I miss you Phillip. When Spencer opens my locket and knows that you are in there and I tell him that you love him, it fucking kills me. I can't imagine what you would have taught him, but I hope I'm doing you justice. I know you would have played his Thomas the Tank Engine video game until your fingers fell off. I also know that you'd have him playing wii bowling by the time he was 5. you would have adored each other.